Kenny R's Rules of Taking

This tongue-in-cheek remix of Rogers' Rules of Ranging appeared on the Lifelines a couple years back and has become something of a meme among more media-savvy Takers. Generally invoked as a joke with a mix of deadpan seriousness or mock gravitas, the Rules have nonetheless found more than a few adherents in the Taker community, who swear that each jokey command holds a grain of deep truth at its core.

1. Don't forget nothing.
2. Have your gun clean as a whistle, machete scoured, batteries fully charged, and be ready to hustle at a minute's warning.
3. When you're on the march, act the way you would if you was sneaking up on a deer. See the enemy first.
4. Tell the truth about what you see and what you do. There is an paycheck depending on you for correct information. You can lie all you please when you tell other folks about Taking, but don't never lie to another Taker or on the Lifelines.
5. Don't never take a chance you don't have to.
6. When we're on the march we march single file, far enough apart so one Casualty can't jump up and bite two Takers.
7. If we strike swamps, or soft ground, we spread out abreast, so it's hard to track us by smell.
8. When we march, we keep moving till dark, so as to give the enemy the least possible chance at us.
9. When we camp, half the party stays awake while the other half sleeps.
10. If we take prisoners, we keep 'em separate till we have had time to examine them, so they can't cook up a story between 'em.
11. Don't ever march home the same way. Take a different route where there might be fresh salvage.
12. No matter whether we travel in big parties or little ones, each party has to keep a scout 20 yards ahead, 20 yards on each flank, and 20 yards in the rear so the main body can't be surprised and wiped out.
13. Don't sit down to eat without posting sentries.
14. Ain't no such thing as a single C. Always act like you're surrounded by a superior force.
15. Don't sleep beyond dawn. Dawn's when raiders and Casualties attack.
16. Don't cross a river by a regular ford - even odds that there's a half-sunk Casualty nearby. Put your gear in a bag and swim across where it's deep enough that they can't stand up.
17. If somebody's trailing you, make a circle, come back onto your own tracks, and ambush the folks that aim to ambush you.
18. Don't stand up when the enemy's coming against you. Kneel down, lie down, hide behind a tree.
19. Let the enemy come till he's almost close enough to touch, then let him have it and jump out and finish him up with your machete. Unless it's a Casualty. Then snipe his ass from as far away as you can.